Floating Hearts 1 - Extract

First Letter

Gone

Tuesday, July 7th (Flight from SF to Dusseldorf)

Dear Dominic.

I’m on a plane right now.

We – Mom, Dad, Jack, his parents, and I – are on our way to Vienna to your ... no, to you. We are on our way to you.

Just one month has passed since we’d visited you in that beautiful city. Just one month, but now everything is different …

Surely, there is no way that when we land in a few hours, you won’t be standing at the airport, right?

But where? Where are you? You can’t just be gone. Just disappeared. Nici, this cannot be true. Nici please, just be at the airport when we land in Vienna. Please, I want to see you. Let me see you at least once more.

Can’t you just come by and tell me what to do now? Please. You don’t have to stay long. Just a short time, that would be enough. But please – I need you.

Now Jack is putting his arm around me and whispering that I will sense that you will always be with us, if only I’ll finally start listening to my heart.

But Nici, how am I supposed to listen to my heart when it’s broken? And how can I believe Jack, when I can see that he feels the same way I do? His eyes are puffy, his cheeks are red and he’s already on his third pack of tissues.

It hurts so freaking much that I don’t feel anything but this endless pain.

Damn, the tears. There they are again. They’ve been running down my cheeks non-stop for two days now.

I just don’t understand it. You were only 19 years old, just slightly over two years older than me. You had just finished school and had so many plans ... we h ad so many plans together. And now all of that is supposed to be gone? Just like that? It can’t all be true, can it? How am I supposed to get through this?

Do you know what has been the most horrible time of my life so far? When I thought my life couldn’t get any worse? When Mom, Dad and I moved from New York to Canada, and I was separated from you.

Before that, we had always been together, and you had looked after me. But in Canada I was alone. Without you by my side, I was nothing. I was afraid, I didn’t dare to talk to others, and I was just unhappy. Basically, I was just like Mom always wanted me to be. Lonely, without confidence and friends – at least none of whom weren’t several hours away from me by plane.

So, Mom didn’t have to worry about anyone getting too close to me and learning about her tantrums. I had no one to confide in. Not that I would have told anyone. But this way, she wasn’t even in danger of our secret coming out.

I didn’t get better until Mom, Dad and I moved to San Francisco four years later, and you decided to join us for a year. You did an exchange year at the school where Dad and Mom had enrolled me, helping me finally make friends again.

If it wasn’t for you, things would be the same for me in San Francisco as they were for me in Canada. Without you, I wouldn’t have Jack in my life, I wouldn’t have my band, and I just wouldn’t be the person I’ve become in the last four years.

But that’s not the only thing you’ve changed. Since you’ve been here with us, back when we moved here to SF from Canada four years ago, Mom has totally changed. She allows me more freedom and her tantrums have also become much less frequent. I will not say that we have developed a perfect relationship. But she really has become nicer since then.

And when she does throw one of her tantrums again, Jack always stands by me. My Jack. We met and immediately hit it off. We owe it all to you.

Oh Dominic, you see, without you I am and can be nothing. Since you were here for that year, my life has changed so much for the better.

You have visited us so often here in the States that one could almost get the feeling that you live close by and not an ocean away, on another continent, in the middle of Europe.

Nici, through you I have become ME. What am I going to do without you?

Since that one moment, the most terrible moment of my life, which makes the years in Canada seem almost beautiful, I just don’t know what to do anymore.

I can’t sleep anymore, I can’t laugh anymore, I can’t sing anymore. I can do nothing but cry.

Only a few hours earlier, I had received the most beautiful news of my life. A message that was too perfect for me to have ever dreamed of.

***

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